Things You'd Like to Say to Sales Reps
Sometimes the things sales people say just makes you want to go crazy and get all rude and sarcastic. But you really shouldn't. It's not their fault they've been given some stupid-assed company line to tow, or have had insufficient training. So you have to smile and say "Thank you." But it's fun to imagine what you would say if you were a big, giant meany.
I'm shopping around for online billing software/services for my wife's medical practice. The first question I ask is "What are the browser requirements/do you support Firefox on Mac?"
The first amusing answer I got was on the phone.
Sales Guy: "Well, uh, it's a proprietary system, so they want to really control what's on there, and they don't really allow just anything to run. So it's only IE on Windows." Me (confused): "Um, you mean [your company name] wants to control what browser people use with your system?" Sales Guy: "No, Apple doesn't allow it." What I actually said: "Well, that's not really, you know, true, but whatever. Thanks." What I wanted to say: "Dude, how fucking stupid do you think I am? Buh-bye."
OK, the next one was just today. One of those chat window sales things popped up on the site.
Me: "Does [your product name] support Firefox on Mac?" Sales Chatter Dude: "We only support IE on Windows for Security Reasons." Me (actual): "OK, Thanks." Me (desired): "So, by security reasons, you mean you want to create the largest number of scenarios where my medical office computer is infected with worms, spyware, and virus, so I can then use it to access your Windows .NET based server system. Which, I take it, has also been chosen for the security reason that you want to create the worst possible security situation. Is that right? Jesus H Roosevelt Christ, get a friggin clue!"